Miss Pacific City
Are you feeling lucky? Well you should…since you are now in the presence of true royalty. Formerly known as Big Mellons and Boobie McBooberson, the new title of Miss Pacific City accurately reflects my transition from bar fly to beauty queen. After a painfully exhausting world tour promoting my pole dancing workout videos, I settled on Oregon as the ideal location to complete my life mission of purr-fecting the "manther" call. With the help of several distinguished zoologists and members of the Big Cat Society, most nights you can find me prowling the Pearl District for this illusive animal. My recent awards include winning the title of Miss Gastrocnemius after several hard fought rounds of leg wrestling against the infamous Miss Gold Beach. I knew a year of walking on my tippy toes would pay off! My bronzed calve trophy can be visited at the MOMM (Museum of Mighty Muscles). I'd like to announce my latest invention coming soon to stores near you this fall…Beauty Queen Basics Bodacious Boobs Kit, a "do it yourself" guide to enhancing and accentuating one's bust. A percentage of the proceeds go directly to supporting my philanthropic endeavors, with the BIGGEST recipient being the 2008 Breast Enhancement Scholarship Fund - "No Boob Left Behind".
