Miss Gold Beach
Reflecting on my third year as Miss Gold Beach, I am brought to tears thinking of all my good fortune. After logging numerous hours of research under the Mexican sun, I was awarded the distinguished title of Miss SPFA 2008 (Solar Protection Factor Analyst). Also, I am proud to announce the launch of my new organization “Save the Native Pandas of Gold Beach,” sadly replacing my underappreciated charity “Save the Oregon Mullets.” Some secrets to my success include daily carrot juice shots to maintain my golden hue, weekly colon cleanses to flush away all impurities, and bi-annual botox injections to smooth my calves. However, on a sad note, following a closely contested competition with Miss Pacific City, I was demoted from Miss Gastrocnemius to Miss Soleus 2008.
